Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
