i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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