you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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