And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
