I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
