Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
