Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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