Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
