I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
