That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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