he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
