The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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