im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize