he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
