I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
