my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
