why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
