So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
