Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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