He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
