I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
as a side note pls kill me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
