are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
COCAINE IS GR8
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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