She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
