I wish I only lived at night.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
