I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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