I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
