worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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