Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
