how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
