So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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