This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wear drunk well.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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