i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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