How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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