I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
