Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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