I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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