yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
