I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize