You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
