I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
