i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
