i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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