He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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