Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
