I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
