She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
