This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Two words: nipple clamps
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