I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
