its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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