i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
