You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
