I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize