I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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