Whod you bang
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
