OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
