i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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