u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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