I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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