Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
