need another drink. this is the easiest way
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize