In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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