I'm gonna have a badass scar
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
