Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Are we still banned from the library?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
