i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
