Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize