I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
