My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
