Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
