I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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