Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize