found the other keg... it's in the tree
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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