At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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