When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
