Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
