imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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