I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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