If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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