Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
