I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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