he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
