Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
