They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
