her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
