We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
