the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
