Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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