Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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