hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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