I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
